life and death (and rugby)

today i was told that one of my good friends from university had passed away after a long battle with cancer. the last time i saw her was at my wedding, where she seemed full of life and in good spirits. i even remember from that whirlwind day snatches of a conversation where she told me, as i teased her about how she still smoked, that if she'd learnt one thing through her illness was that life was too short and she intended on enjoying every minute of whatever she had left.

i wish now i'd called her on her birthday (6 days after mine - she was 26 this year).
and sent her flowers like i intended too.

i wonder where she is now.

i wonder if i did enough. i wish i knew. i wish i knew where my responsibility ended and her's began. i wonder how on earth You exist with life and death. how do You live with Your responsibility? i don't want to feel what You feel - just the thought terrifies me.

yesterday all i was concerned about was who made the all blacks squad for their end of season tour.

Ecclesiastes 3

What do people really get for all their hard work? I have thought about this in connection with the various kinds of work God has given people to do. God has made everything beautiful for its own time. He has planted eternity in the human heart, but even so, people cannot see the whole scope of God's work from beginning to end. So I concluded that there is nothing better for people than to be happy and to enjoy themselves as long as they can. And people should eat and drink and enjoy the fruits of their labour, for these are gifts from God. And I know that whatever God does is final. Nothing can be added to it or taken from it. God's purpose in this is that people should fear him. Whatever exists today and whatever will exist in the future has already existed in the past. For God calls each event back in its turn.

I also noticed that throughout the world there is evil in the courtroom. Yes, even the courts of law are corrupt! I said to myself, "In due season God will judge everyone, both good and bad, for all their deeds." Then I realized that God allows people to continue in their sinful ways so he can test them. That way, they can see for themselves that they are no better than animals. For humans and animals both breathe the same air, and both die. So people have no real advantage over the animals. How meaningless! Both go to the same place--the dust from which they came and to which they must return. For who can prove that the human spirit goes upward and the spirit of animals goes downward into the earth? So I saw that there is nothing better for people than to be happy in their work. That is why they are here! No one will bring them back from death to enjoy life in the future.